I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
In America we eat man semen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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