It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
