Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
