nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
