she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
