Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize