I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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