just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
