ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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