So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Girls should come with a carfax report
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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