I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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