these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
