I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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