somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
