Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
