So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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