addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
