My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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