Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
