Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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