like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
