i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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