You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
