I just cut my nipple shaving
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
