just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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