Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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