I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
