i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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