If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
