Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
