alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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