I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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