Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize