brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
