I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
