Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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