Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Actions speak louder than pants.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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