trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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