So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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