i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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