Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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