You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
