I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
