Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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