Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize