I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
