U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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