this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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