how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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