i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
