I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
