woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
