my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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