Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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