Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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