is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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