now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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