Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
