four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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