Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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