he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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