Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
