we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize