dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
