You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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